I went to lunch a few days ago at one of my favorite BBQ Joints called "Memphis Minnies, located on "Haight" Street in Haight Ashbury. The food is so good it makes my fat ass wanna cry. I ordered the Pork Sandwich, Fries, and lots of beer.......If you've never seen a grown man cry, follow me to Minnies. The food is that good.

http://www.memphisminnies.com

 
As most of you already know, I love to eat. I don't much care that I'm a fat slob as long as my belly is full at all times. If any of you Mindsay Bloggers live in or near San Francisco, please visit Memphis Minnies for some of the best BBQ you'll ever eat.

 
After lunch I went to "City Lights" bookstore on Columbus St.....the bookstore is owned by a friend of Jack Kerouac's. It's a great bookstore, one of my favorites. I will drive into the city just to buy a book from them instead of the large Chains.....Fuck em, I like the Independent book sellers. There are three things in life that put a smile on my face more than anything else....they are food, books, and great coffee.....Ooopps, I forgot beer.  I suppose I love to fart most of all.

 
There is nothing like letting a really loud fart after a big meal, especially if it's a long wet one. People shouldn't fall asleep around me because I am known for putting my big fat crack in their face, and farting while they snooze. I did it to my younger brother one time, and I thought he was gonna kill me. He jumped up off the couch where he had been napping and chased me around the house calling me a "fucking sick bastard", and said "he would kill me if he got his hands on me". LOL

Another time I was at a friends house watching movies with him when the skinny fucker fell asleep on his sofa. He started snoring so loud I couldn't hear the dialogue in the movie....and there is nothing worse than missing dialogue during a good movie. The more he snored the madder I got.

After about ten minutes of listening to him snore, I had had enough! I walked over to the jackass and dropped my pants so the fart would be louder, and smell real good in his bespeckled face. I let loose with a mighty roar. The son of a bitch woke up and screamed bloody murder. The dude thought I was trying to have sex with him after he saw my dropped drawers.

I said, "WHAT DID YOU SAY FUCK-BOY"......Oh No, Chevy don't swing that way".....I blew a fart in his face again, but this time I actually sat on his face, but not putting my full weight down on him. The second fart was mightier than the first one and smelled ten times worse..........My friend Glenn who is no longer my friend...LOL....said "he'd kill me too if he ever got the chance".

The moral of this story is..........DO NOT fucking fall asleep anywhere near me if you snore, grind your teeth, talk in your sleep, or are just annoying while I am trying to watch a movie....because I don't care who you are.....I will fart in your fucking face!

I just spent $14.95 on this Mother Fuckers book. He pawned it off as a "Memoir", and come to find out most of the shit he writes about never happened. He embellished the shit out of it, and got paid for it too.

This book was an "Oprah's Book Club Pick"........her fat ass ain't too thrilled with it either. She calls him on his lies on her show today? Man, I want my money back. I'd like to fart in his lying face.

I'd hold him down after eating several cans of beans and raw cabbage.....I'd eat baked beans, pinto beans, navy beans, you name it, I'd eat em.....then I'd hold the liar down and make him sorry he ever took my money!

Didn't the publishing company check this assholes story out before writing him a check? Who was the publisher......oh yeah, "Anchor Books".....they'll need an anchor to keep their business afloat after this fiasco..... the fools!

PS.....I just paid a little visit to my good friend Amy Proctor.....OK, she ain't a good friend. I don't even like her....not even a little bit. I went to her blog because I haven't been there in ages......she bores the hell out of me, but I was curious to see if she has gotten past her hatred for Liberals.......Drum roll please.............Nope, she still hates us. She is now trying to close down the ACLU......Good luck Ole Amy girl. Following is my reply to Amy's post re: closing the ACLU. I knew she would delete my reply on her blog, she always has. Amy hates it when you disagree with her, So I am posting my reply here.

Amy says on her blog:  ""Stop The ACLU"

PSSSS.....Bet this gets deleted because we all know how much Amy hates an opposing viewpoint. I'll post my comment on my own blog.

The following is a true story. I am not kidding in the least bit, this really happened to me last night. Truth is stranger than fiction as they say.....

Last night I went to the "Olive Garden" restaurant for dinner with my friend Michelle.  http://www.olivegarden.com/   Both Michelle and I ordered  the Spaghetti & Meatball dinner. We also ordered salads, and garlic bread. I ordered a beer and Michelle ordered a white wine.

As we were enjoying our drinks & conversation, the couple next to us started to argue. The manager came over and asked the couple to quiet down, as there had been a few complaints.

Ten minutes later our food arrived. We were enjoying our dinner and drinks until the couple started up again. It was obvious they both had had too much to drink. The man called his wife a bitch, and she shot back, "You old fuck, I've been seeing "Roger" again behind your back, you miserable piece of shit". At this point both Michelle and I stopped talking so we wouldn't miss a word the two of them were having.

The man continued to call his wife a bitch, a whore, too skinny, too titless, too this, too that, etc. He even said she "resembled a dog turd" upon awakening in the morning. The woman fought back with her own venom by calling her husband "Marvin" every name in the book.The manager came over again and asked both of them to leave the restaurant. They refused. The manager looked at Michelle and I, and then he asked us if we were being disturbed. Michelle said right off, "Yes, they are being loud and obnoxious". I was about to say how much I was enjoying the show, but thought better of it.

The manager asked the couple to leave again, and again, they refused. The manager threatened to call the police if they didn't leave right away. I finally stood up and said to the couple, "Why don't you guys take this shit home, and let the rest of us folks eat in peace & quiet".

The crazy fucking woman grabbed a handful of pasta off her plate and threw it at me. The food landed on my neck and fell down my brand new white shirt. I was shocked, and so was Michelle who called the woman "a fucking looney". The woman picked up her water glass and threw it at Michelle, but Michelle ducked, and I got the ice water directly in my face. The manager witnessed the whole thing.

I was so fucking pissed I grabbed a meatball off my plate and smashed it in the womans face. She started to grab something else off her plate while her husband laughed hysterically. The fucking manager asked us all to leave at once.

I told the manager they started it, but he held up his hand in protest. I started to argue, but he said, "All of you get out of here now, or I will see to it that you all get arrested".....

God damn, can you believe it. My friend and I get kicked out of the place before we could even finish our meal. I went home and changed my shirt and Michelle and I went to KFC to eat fried chicken, biscuits and their fake mashed potatoes.  

If you're all wondering where I've been, and I am sure all of you give a rat's ass, I went to Lake Tahoe to the family cabin for some R&R. I layed around alot, read some books and newspapers, and I ate until my heart was content. I even gambled, and I won again. I never lose. I won $800.00 on Keno, and I won $4,200 on Blackjack. The ex and I drove up together, and we finally decided to have a go at it again. She layed down the law though. These are the rules I have to live by if "I want things to work out this time".

Rule #1. No farting in bed, or at the dinner table.....the ex said the last time I farted on her hard wood dining room chair that it sounded like a loud siren going off, and she "found splinters in the chair the next day".

Rule #2. No eating in bed as she doesn't like crumbs all over the sheets.

Rule #3. I must lose at least 40 pounds because she doesn't want me to be "unhealthy".......I think that's her kind way of saying, "You're a fucking Lardass, lose it, or lose me".......

Rule #4. No snoring during sleep.

Rule #5. No drinking beer every night of the week.

Okay, so if she can make rules, so can I, and here they are as follows.

My Rule #1. I can fart at the dinner table, in elevators, in the car, at the grocery store, and especially in bed where I like to fart the most. I also told her I should be allowed to hold her head under the covers after an especially smelly fart.

My Rule #2. I will eat wherever the hell I choose, and she will serve me when I am hungry.

My Rule # 3. I will lose 40 pounds if and when I choose to lose 40 pounds, not when someone tells me I should for "health reasons". I love to eat, and I will eat when I want, and as much as I want.

My Rule # 4. I told her I would try not to snore if she tried not to breathe.

My Rule # 5. Beer, give it up? No fucking way Jose!

So I guess the ex and I won't be getting back together afterall, unless she can live by my rules. 

Friday night was a blast. The ex and I drove to San Francisco for drinks and dinner. We went to "Calzones" on Colombus, which is in the North Beach section of San Francisco......better known as "Little Italy". We ordered the Calzone of course, and the ex took a picture of the food when it arrived. She always takes the camera with her when we go to the city. The dinner was excellent. We split a bottle of Chianti wine.

After dinner we drove to Fisherman's Wharf so the ex could buy some fresh crabs that she planned to serve for her Christmas eve dinner. I bought several loaves of the sour dough french bread to take up to Lake Tahoe with me. I invited my ex to Tahoe, but she already had plans, but she agreed to fly up Christmas night and drive back with me early this morning.

We had a great time in Tahoe. There was plenty of snow, which is fine if you are looking at it from the inside of a warm cabin, but I don't want to be out in it for long. We did a little gambling last night. The ex won $1,400 on blackjack which made her as happy as can be. I won $300.00 myself. We finally headed home from the casinos around 2:00am, but not before eating a huge breakfast at one of the buffets first.

I ordered waffles, two eggs over hard, bacon, orange juice. The ex had bluebbery pancakes, bacon and OJ. We drove back to the family cabin and went to bed.

Christmas day was something else.  There were about 30 relatives over for dinner. A few aunts made the traditional Italian fare, baked Lasagne, Rigatoni, Manicotti.....we also had turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry, vegetables.......and pies coming out the ass. I counted at least eight pies. There was enough food to feed a small army. I was in heaven.

Dinner was going quite well until Uncle Frank stood up and said he wanted to make an announcement.....Uncle Frank can be a pain in the ass when he has too much to drink.....anyhow, he stood there trying to get everyone's attention, and as soon as he had our attention he lifted his leg and farted really loud......I am not kidding.....he is known for doing shit like that. Aunt Rose told him he better go wipe his ass. It sounded like shit splattered in his pants, the fart was that wet.

My Aunt Rose screamed at him to sit down and act like a human being, while some of the kids at the table laughed hysterically.

What did you all get for Christmas? I was annoyed with Uncle Frank for nearly shitting his pants at the dinner table, so I sought my revenge as soon as he did it......that night I followed my aunt's dog "Corleone" outside, and as soon as the dog took a crap, I scooped up a turd with a paper towel. I went back into the cabin and put the smelly turd in a box. I wrapped it with beautiful gold wrapping paper, and topped it off with a red bow, I then wrote, "To Frank, from Santa" on it......

The next morning aunt Rose said, Oh Frank, look, Santa left you something, well go on, open it"......Imagine the look on everyone's face when he pulled a turd out of the beautifully wrapped box. Frank looked in my direction with a look that said, "I'll get you for this you son of a bitch".........LOL

 It boggles the mind how people can eat the most fattening foods on earth, gain a boat load of weight, and then turn around and sue the establishment they claim "Made them fat". What a crock of shit. Look what McDonalds food can do for you........ See photo below. And if you want to look like Lardass below, keep going to McDonalds and you will soon enough.

Do you want to look like that? I go to McDonalds myself, but I wouldn't think of suing the company because I gained weight eating their Big Macs & Fries. If you have a Super Sized Ass, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Stop blaming others for the extra lard you carry around, and do something to shed the extra pounds. Walk, run, squat, but do something.

  That's right, because the 3 billion fatties can't stay away from McDonalds. The 3 billion fat asses sit on the couch every night with a gallon of ice cream in hand, and a ladel spoon to gorge themselves sick. The 8 billion slobs could take a  lesson from the 8 super models who eat healthy foods, like salad, fresh veggies, fruit. They don't lay around on the couch watching TV night and day. they exercise and stay active while the 8 billion fat asses sit around and eat and get fatter, and then turn around and sue place like McDonalds for "making them the pigs that they are".

I love McDonalds, it's an American institution. I'm fat, by choice! I love to eat way too much to eat salads every day. I don't sue people because I'm a lardass, and neither should you!

I flew to LA yesterday afternoon. I caught a 2:45pm flight out of San Francisco. It was a very short trip. I returned this morning on a 6:30am flight. I was basically running an errand for my boss. While I was in Los Angeles I ate at one of my favorite places on earth, "Pinks" http://www.pinkshollywood.com/

They have the best hotdogs I have ever eaten. I ordered two of the bacon burrito dogs, a bowl of chili, chips, and a large coke. I try to eat at Pinks every time I'm in LA, but it isn't always possible to do so. I love to sit outside and people watch. If you've ever ventured down Hollywood Blvd you'll know it is quite a trip to watch people from all walks of life......the "movie star wannabes" the prostitutes looking to make some fast money, the gay boys prancing around looking to get rammed in the ass by the "leather daddies", the has been child stars wanting to be seen, by anyone that'll give them a second look, etc, etc.

I saw a prostitute standing on a nearby corner talking to a "john" in a red Mercedes. I overheard her say, "No, it'll be $50.00 or nothing. The car took off and never came back. The hooker looked over at a guy sitting fairly close to me, and then she ventured over to him. The hooker said to the guy, "How about some company tonight"......The guy told her he wasn't interested and walked away......

I said to the hooker, "Can I ask you a question", and then proceeded to ask her why she was demeaning herself  like she was........the lady wasted no time in calling me every name in the book and then some. She called me a fat fucker, a whale's ass, lardass, wide-load, fat slob, fat pig, elephant ass, jelly belly, and several other colorful names.

Even after all the name calling I still felt sorry for her. I offered to buy her sorry ass a hotdog from Pinks. She refused my offer, and continued to curse at me until I had enough, and then I unleashed a string of profanities on her that she wouldn't soon forget. I left Pinks and walked down Hollywood Blvd with the hooker right behind me. We fought all the way down Hollywood Blvd, calling each other every filthy name we could think of..... and I heard a tourist say to her husband, "That must be her Pimp".  I am mortified at the thought of that.............

I went to "Popeyes Chicken" last night for dinner, or at least I thought I would be having dinner. I ordered the chicken with buttermilk biscuits, fries, and cole slaw. The dummy behind the counter said, "That'll be $6.49 sir. I reached into my pocket and whipped out my ATM card. The dummy informed me that the "establishment" doesn't take ATM cards, so I whipped out a Visa card. Dummy said, "No credit cards either mister, cash only"

I was pissed. I looked in my wallet and all I had in the way of cash was a $5.00 bill. I hadn't gone to the bank yesterday, and I was low on cash. I asked the dummy why a restaurant wouldn't take an ATM  card or a credit card. The guy said, "I don't make the rules, I just enforce them....

The little fucker couldn't have been more than 17/18? years old. I told him to get the manager. He said the manager had already gone home for the night. By this time I was really annoyed. I was hungry, and I wanted my fucking chicken dinner. I told the guy if he didn't take the ATM card and hand me my food, I'd come behind the counter and serve myself.

The boy looked scared. The lady behind me was anxious to get her own food and offered to pay the difference for me, which came out to $1.49. I thanked her a thousand times over. I took my basket of food from asswipe behind the counter.

I sat at a table and devoured my chicken, fries, buttermilk biscuits, and cole slaw..... God damn was it good. Popeyes knows how to make some great tasting chicken. They are even better than KFC. As I sat eating my meal I noticed three heavyset black women eating their own chicken dinners. I was amazed to see them eating every fucking thing, including the veins and the bones. I could not believe they actually ate the bones too.

They noticed me watching them and one of them said, "Whatchoo you lookin at white boy".... I was embarrassed to say the least, but I had to ask them why they were eating the bones.....The loud mouth of the trio said, " Nigga, I don't let nuthin go to waste.....I replied, "Yeah, I can see that by the size of your fat ass".

The lady got up and approached me and said, "What'd you say mutha fuckah, I know you don't be talkin to me likes dat"

I tossed what was left on my plate at her (veins & bones) and high tailed it out of there fast....I could hear the three lardass's laughing like banshee's inside. I even saw two of them go back up to the counter to order seconds.........

 Ewww Weeee, I love bacon grease, and I love big asses, but this is a little too much ass even for me. I'd hate to be standing behind her when she farts. I wonder if they make underwear big enough for an ass that size?

I wonder if she farts in bed next to her husband. She probably beats the shit out of him from time to time just to keep him in line........Yeah, I love bacon grease. Give me a few fried eggs cooked in bacon grease with bacon, fried potatoes, and toast smothered in butter.......but no grits.....I hate fucking grits. I'll bet Big Mama in the pic loves grits. I'll bet she eats anything that isn't nailed down.

Big Mama's Friend, "Girlfriend" below

NO YOU FUCKING LARDASS, NOT AT ALL!